a teacher should balance firmness with kindness

A Teacher Should Balance Firmness With Kindness by Queena N. Lee Chua

Kids today are so noisy, laments Ms Reyes, a high school teacher who does not want her first name published. They always chat in class, and not about the lesson. They talk in loud voices, and it is difficult to control them. No wonder they don't do well. Walang disiplina talaga!

Discipline is an ugly word to most of us. It connotes rigidity, punishment and pain. But real discipline means instruction and guidance. Without it, society will not function well.

Therapist Jane Nelsen sees positive discipline as a balance between firmness and kindness, generating respect for adults and children. Positive discipline is not permissive or punitive. It gives people skills to become productive.

The punitive teacher yells at the class, Shut up and listen to me! Take out your books and do no say a word until the bell rings! This tactic may work only for one period, a few minutes, or not at all. Students resent this; some may rebel and cut class, and most will likely lose respect for the teacher.

The permissive teacher throws her hands up in the air. Do whatever you want. Anyway, its your grades and your life. While students may enjoy this, the truth is they will not learn a thing. Moreover, the teacher ends up feeling drained and frustrated.

The kind and firm teacher says, You are here to learn, and to help one another grow. I care for you, and as your teacher, it is my responsibility to help you develop your talents. As long as you are in class, you need to respect me as I respect you. When you talk, I listen. When I talk, I expect you to listen, too. If you have something to say, raise your hands, and I promise to give you a chance to air your views.

We need to learn to change ourselves instead of trying to control others and make them change., says Nelsen. When we focus on trying to change our behavior, we realize that actions should follow words, and we have to walk the talk.

Many teachers threaten and nag, but never demonstrate proper behavior. We need to think before opening our mouths and, especially in the heat of emotion, we need to step back and decide on the best course of action.

Ms Reyes finds herself repeating instructions and homework all the time because students chat and miss half of what she says. At the end of the day, she is exhausted.

Nelsen and her co-authors suggest the following tactic: Ms Reyes can announce calmly to her students that she will make sure she has their full attention before saying anything, but that she will only say things twice at the most. She can repeat (as many times as need) complex theories in difficult lessons, but for everyday stuff, she will only say things twice.

This process will need some adjustment, and it will not be easy at first. The moment the class quiets down, the teacher can talk about the forthcoming test, but when students ask her to repeat things for the thirds time, she can learnt to say, Sorry , I promised you I would not repeat myself. You need to pay more attention. Soon her class will have no choice but to listen attentively.

This is positive discipline at work instead of nags and threats, calm rational actions work better.

Punishment seldom works. It provides an outlet for anger and gives the illusion of control, but it does not make students learn well because it uses fear as a motivator.

Here are alternatives to punishment:
When two kids are fighting, ineffective teachers threaten, “Go to the principals office. You will get a suspension! It is better to separate them and say Now lets get to the root of the problem. Why are you fighting?

When a student fails to submit homework, the punitive teacher threatens, If you don't submit the assignments, you will not pass the course. An effective teacher asks if something is stopping the student from doing homework. She will say, Homework makes you master the lesson. You have a choice. During recess, I will guide you as you do the required work. Or you can promise to submit the homework tomorrow.

No one is perfect, certainly not kids and teens. When students make mistakes, good teachers do no make them feel bad or inadequate. Mistakes are chances for learning, not embarrassments to be covered up.

Students need to see making mistakes as an opportunity to get valuable help from others, say the authors. It means they are willing to be accountable, which is a necessary step to using mistakes as an opportunity to learn.

Discipline is not to be avoided, but learned and practiced with firmness, kindness, and care.